Thoughts Inside

At 32 years old, I find myself navigating waves of pure happiness, times of uncertainty, and periods of introspection that yearn for what’s outside my reach. 

It is while I eat my brussel sprouts for lunch that I admit that I’m happy with the life I have – an amazing partner, a flat that’s mine and the bank’s, and a job that I love. A job that consumes way too many hours of my day and is the absolute center of my life, but love nonetheless. 

Lately I’ve been thinking that we do actually only live once, and that we can do whatever the hell we want with this precious little life that we are gifted. 

Hell, what is stopping me from leaving everything behind, and going off to live in NYC for half a year? What is stopping me from opening a flower shop in the middle of Barcelona and whistling on my way to work? Or from enrolling again at university and changing career paths? 

Fear, lack of money, and a stability that could, and would tumble, mostly. Yikes!!

As an Aries, I live for that dopamine hit, and I wish I could be a go-getter, I could be senseless enough to live this life to the fullest. Sometimes I can’t help but think how my life would be if this or that was different, or if I had done X instead of Y, you know?

I don’t allow myself to drown in these thoughts, but when they cross my mind, my heart beats differently – I feel it coming out of my chest, my throat, my mouth. I feel the current of energy running though my body.

I could call it anxiety, but I think it’s called yearning – I don’t know which one I prefer-. It activates something within me that makes me feel like I still have choices to make, that I can still change the direction of this ship if I ever wanted to. 

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted. 

A h o y!